So that's it, we're out on our ear. No more community and its people to protect us. They'd always been suspicious of us, and my elevated status seemed to be the straw that broke the camels back. After walking all day and avoiding the mobs that roam the landscape looking for easy pickings, I've managed to secure a little shanty with more holes and spiders than shelter. My wife is disconsolate, basically given up the will to want to live. Is it possible to have pre-natal depression? I have no idea. But I'm thinking she is the one who now doesn't want to bring a child into this world.
Monday, November 3, 2014
Sunday, November 2, 2014
I no longer take much notice of the people outside the training area that is sectioned off for the aircrew and soldiers who will soon board the ES Siren. At least we're getting fed and keep warm. The training is just something else to take my mind off all the shit that's happening in the world and my parents dire situation. If I could take them with me I would, but only the fittest and most skilled are welcomed aboard the Siren. And my parents and weak and sick, made ill by pollutants and the stress of survival. I can only hope to make them proud.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
On the shuttle. I think I want to throw up—I’m sure it’s nerves. The planet is a long way down, from up here the oceans still look blue. Someone is talking about how there used to be whales in them as big as a bus, now it’s just squids. Apparently they are tasty—guess I’ll never get to find out. On the shuttle we were each given a handbook on Solitaire including a brief run down on what is edible and poisonous. The book is made from hemp paper. I think I had paper books as a kid for coloring or something. Amazing. And everyone on the ship got one.
Friday, October 17, 2014
They started loading the ships today. Is it possible to get claustrophobic on such a giant ship? I’ll be trapped in it for a year. 12 months without seeing the sky or feeling rain or having fresh food. What if we run out of food? The three of them are big blots in the sky. I never wanted to leave Earth and now it’s going to happen. I don’t know what is going to be worse: dying in space or arriving and dying of starvation. Some of the women are joking about how they’ll get their pick of men...how they’ll be able to extract all kinds of favors for sex. I feel like I’m not ready for this. I’m not made of the right stuff. I’m not of course as I was shoved into the program because I was a problem not because I have whatever they were looking for. Tomorrow is my last day on Earth. One way ticked, no swapsies.
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
I've always felt privileged at being one of the lucky ones to start a new life, yet all around me even the most malnourished 'outsiders' are giving us and the rest of the crew pitying looks. I've heard the gossip. Many people don't think we'll even make it halfway to the new world of Solitaire. Many others imagine the whole idea is make-believe, a way for the elite and the government to get rid of a whole lot of prisoners and people from a world already overcrowded.
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
New uniform today, yellow and black, and everything is stamped with my number. I feel like I no longer have a name as it’s all 1789 do this, sign this, line up, sit down, eat, sleep. I’m sure it’s a last minute test to see who can follow orders. I did yet another aptitude test today. This time they made us hand write everything. I’m pretty sure Janet’s chickens could’ve done a better job.
Monday, October 13, 2014
One of the members of the community recognized me today. I'd seen him watching me too many times not to know something was up. Of course now the whole damn community knows who I am it's elevated myself and my wife in their eyes. I'm back to being a celebrity of sorts, but I can't help but hate being in the limelight, with everyone's focus on us. I can't shake the feeling it's not going to do us any good, not long term.